Zach Bryan and coping with the death of your mom
Zach Bryan and coping with the death of your mom
"The person that I want to tell all this stuff to is dead"
I’m not a big fan of country music and the culture that surrounds it. I am, however, a fan of music with excellent lyricism, and that’s where Zach Bryan enters the equation for me. Particularly, the way he puts into words what it’s like losing your mom and not knowing how to cope with those feelings.
I’m not even sure I’d describe Zach Bryan – particularly the songs of his that I like – as country music. To me, a lot of it falls into the category of acoustic singer/songwriter music, similar to someone like Ed Sheeran.
Putting aside the construct of musical genres, the thing about Zach Bryan that I enjoy is his lyrics. He lost his mom in 2016 to an overdose when he was just 20 years old. The way that he writes about the feelings of grief and anger around his mom’s death is hauntingly beautiful.
I lost my mom in December of last year, and I’d be lying if I said listening to Zach Bryan hasn’t impacted how I’ve dealt with and processed all of the emotion, depression, and anger I’ve felt over the last eight months.
The New York Times had a wonderful interview with Bryan last year where he talked about the impact of his mom’s death:
Annette struggled with alcohol, straining family relationships. She died in 2016, and afterward Bryan’s songwriting deepened. “I think my mom dying really solidified the darkness in life to me,” he said. “It opened that thing in you that’s like, ‘Hey, be a man now.’”
“People say I repress,” he continued. “And I’m like, no, the person that I want to tell all this stuff to is dead. And you don’t deserve me weighing in on my feelings to you.”
Zach Bryan’s songs aren’t simply about his mom’s death. They’re about the ways he’s handled that grief, both good and bad. He, like myself, has a tendency to fall into severely self-destructive behavior. He sings about shutting people out, crawling into his shell, and becoming afraid to talk to those around him.
Over Mother’s Day weekend in May, I coped with my depression by drinking way too much under the guise of hanging out with friends. I capped off the weekend by taking two extra doses of my insomnia medication and shutting myself off from the world.
Eventually, I hope to learn better ways to cope. I know I need to talk to people around me about how I’m feeling. I need to start seeing a therapist on a more regular basis. But I find comfort in knowing that I’m not alone in battling these feelings. The depression and the grief and the anger will never go away, but I have to learn to accept that.
My favorite Zach Bryan songs
“November Air”
Dear Mama, how's it goin'?
Was the weather fair last week?
Dear Mama, they were wonderful
All the sights you'll never see
And dear Mama, if I could hold you, I'd grab you by the arms
Tell you what it means
You could take a worthless poor boy from the flats
And make him mean something
“Sweet DeAnn”
This world's not meant for showin' mercy
I've got pictures of us that hurt me
'Cause I'm squeezin' you and you're smilin' through
That flash upon the wall
“She’s Alright”
Well, the moon in New York tonight was beautiful
I wish you were around to see it too
I'm so happy I could cry, why'd you'd have to go and die like that?
It's a shame when people ain't around to see
The smiles that they nurture, the laughter they breed
These people don't know me, and I don't plan on showing what I've seen
“Don’t Give up on Me”
If my mama could just see you laugh
I know that she could see the shine in you
She'd say thanks for takin' care of her baby boy 'cause she can't be here
And hug you 'til your little lungs turn blue
“From a Lover’s Point of View”
But now's about the time, love
You really got to decide
"Are you gonna be a good man to me
Or die the way your mother died?"
“Letting Someone Go”
Take it slow as you leave me
Don't you go home this evening
With someone
That you're acting like is me
And I will try my hardest darling
Wait on a star that's falling
And I will wait so patiently
One thing I have quickly come to know
Nothing kills you slower than
Letting someone go
“Dawns” with Maggie Rogers
Give me my dawns back
Everything that dies makes its way on back
I lost her last July in a heart attack
I need one small victory (Mm)
Give me my dawns back
Everything that dies makes its way on back
I lost her last July in a heart attack
I need one small victory